Gladys and Gloria are the twin sisters who "work" at Big Sur's only post office. They love drinking on the job, spying on the neighbors with military-grade binoculars, and steamy Harlequin romance novels. When we first meet these two in LANDSLIDE, they are trying to convince Gabe to hang up their paintings of erect penises at his bar.
And they only get better from there!
*****
Gloria: Now it's important to remember that while at work, you can legally begin mixing cocktails at 11:00 am.
Gladys: Gloria and I watch a lot of NCIS, so our legal knowledge is unparalleled. A lot of locals come to us for legal help, which we're happy to give while processing their stamps and packages.
Gloria: Technically, according to our boss Kevin, this kind of behavior is "frowned upon" and also "cause to be fired" but the last time I listened to Kevin I had a perm and was wearing acid-wash jeans. So there ya have it.
Gladys: While I get out our newest romance novels to enjoy, Gloria will usually start preparing the ingredients. Our first recipe is called the Vodka Neat and we make it using the stash of vodka we've been storing beneath our desks since our first day on the job.
Gloria: Our motto since birth has been to appropriately plan for the Apocolypse via strategic liquor stashes across Big Sur. If the world ends, and you're hankering for a drink, come find us. Oh and we own a surprising amount of Victorian-era erotica.
Gladys: To make the Vodka Neat, you pour two fingers of vodka into your coffee mug and enjoy. Customers and Kevin will never know what's inside!
Gloria: This drink is a real favorite of ours. Especially on Mondays.
Gladys: Now the Whiskey Neat is similar, except it involves whiskey. My whiskey guy is Fritz, the farmer, and every time he comes in for stamps he'll unload three or four bottles for Gloria and me. Glo and I repaid the favor by singing Prince songs to his cattle when they won't move.
Gloria: We also don't spy on him as much as we do our other neighbors. Common courtesy. I mean, if you're gonna bring me whiskey, the least I can do is not look in through your windows.
Gladys: The Whiskey Neat can be made in that same coffee mug, or enjoyed out of shot glasses lined up by your computer. Either works and it's really a matter of preference.
Gloria: Our tequila cocktails we save for Fridays and Wednesdays. We prepare and drink those out of shot glasses that Lucia bought us. Mine says "I'm the hot sister"
Gladys: Mine also says "I'm the hot sister".
Gloria: Listen, we're both the hot sister. And tequila goes down smooth in this recipe we call Tequila Neat. Simply pour the tequila and knock it back like it's Prohibition and you're worried cops will bust in at any second.
Gladys: Truly delicious.
Kevin: For the love of god, have you done any work today at all?
Gloria *rolls eyes*: We haven't done a day of work since 1979. Now cheers!
Gladys: And next time you catch us with our binoculars, please invite us in for dinner. We'll bring the cocktails.
